Day 2,3,4 without you

blog is the only friend of mine now.
i blog out how i really feel..
because i know when i share it with ppl, comments, and opinions will be coming out from them..
i dont want it..
i dont wanna live with regrets..
thats what ive learnt in my 18 years of living..
18 years..
my birthday is coming sooon in 2 weeks time..
i dont intend to celebrate anymore..
i dont wanna have fun on that day..
because it reminds me of your promises u made to me..
your surprise..your gifts..your existance will all be gone..
you hurt me so much.

Day 1 without you.

so empty, so lonely.
im trying to survive.
i really hope time heals..
its gonna take a long time..
shld be get back my life?

friends to lovers to enemies.

its over.
finally.
1 yr 5 mths. going to 1 and a half year..
i thg i could celebrate my 18th birthday with my loved one. which is you..
seems like this dream cant come true..
i dont need your present or well wishes.
its pointless, coz i lost someone so impt in my life.
i dont wanna cry.
i wanna stand back on my feet.
i need a shoulder.
today, i jjust realised, how much u love me all these while...
im sooo upset...really upset..
friends called me..asked me out tmrw.
all my drinking clubbing friends are back..
but im just out of love...
i really am..
who can be the one to rekindle my love?

i know u werent hm at all.
i knew u were driving ur friend back from lan shop.
and u was using lan's shop messenger to talk to me.
it is so obvious
the font of your text is black , whereas u normally use blue.
and when u afk, ur own msn will change to 'away'.
instead in lan shop it is 'busy'.
u said ur mom sscolded u due to warning letter. its bullshit.
its because u havent even go hm when its 2am.
11 plus havent 12am, u will rush me and say..
'EHHHH, go hm alr okay, my mom will kill me if i dont go hm now'
then there u go 2am go back ah.
wtf is this?
friends more privilege?
i rather be ur friend lah.
no r/s ties, no need to report to u whats my life up to either.
just know something.
nothing can be hidden forever

I cant seem to continue loving him anymore.
too tiring.
to be honest, in this relationship its infatuation. not love.
possessive, pain, disrespect.
its not worth being with you anymore.
ive wasted time, effort, love and everything i can give.
i give u my all and all. yet you said im irritating, paranoid and everything.
my heart is numb.
many times i cabbed over your area.
just a request from me to just look out of your window.
but u inisisted no.
i cried and cried, but you dont know.
because u will think all i know is to cry.
i shall stop having infatuations over you.
i shall stop all my foolish act.
i dont know if one day youll regret all youve done, all youve said.
but u know what?
when that day comes, i'll be over you

I fell in love with that person.
thats embarrassing.
so embarrassing that that's the type of person i fell in love with.
the reality behind those pictures was clearly very different.
'When i realise that my selfish decision for love could result it into some young girl getting killed. i couldnt be responsible for telling them go back. I just didnt realise how much of an impact had on these girls life. Dont react out of love. F love, because love is so pain.'

stupid thing making me dont feel like blogging.
well.
things changes damn fucking fast.
and i dont know how to fucking react to all these good/not good changes.
i still prefer the past of course.
i reallly wish i never grew up.
actaully love being 17 forever.
school is bullshit
boyfriend is crappy.
everyone seeems to be lifeless. ahh
blog tmrw(: