I deserve: January 2009

Thursday, January 29

Went Gladys house for Cny!

Fun fun fun.

& yea, im back home early(:

Wednesday, January 28

My life is Screwed.
Sincere apology to you, especially you.

I'm tired of my life, everything.
2009 seems like another boring year.
when will i get things right once more?
here i am trying so hard,
nothing succeeds.
when will i change for the better?
sleepless late nights,
missing lectures, tutorials,
quarrels,
im just so sick of it.
wanna run away,
wanna be alone

Sunday, January 25

So left out,
no one bothers.

Empty down in my heart.
where had every one went?
no more laughters, warmth.
ive got nothing to count on, nothing to rely on.
im giving up hope.

我好想紧紧抱着你
没有你的日子很难过。

Tuesday, January 20

Sudden feelings of random thoughts gush right through my head,
feeling desperately inferior i am
no one's there to help me overcome this.
i thought im always better than what they are.
however i dont feel it so today.
realising how dumb, naive and foolish i am,
im really tired.

Sunday, January 18

SEVENTEEN FOREVER!

SEVENTEEN FOREVER!
SEVENTEEN FOREVER!

my god.

pic ages ago.

so random post here

Chinese new year!
getting boring as years passes.
some of my cousin will be not in SG.
how can this be?
my god.
new year leh.
life just sucks.
dont really have new year mood now.
annual majongs, dai dee, pineapple tarts gathering seems to be diminshing.
ah fuck.

grandma passed away not long ago.
family dont really have much mood to enjoy this festival, jooyful season.
i mean, its really a very sad thing.
ah ma will usually cook us delicious and ancient food.
it may seem awkward but it taste damn good.
aunties and uncles will gather and 'LOU YU SHENG',
damn funny lor. ahah
young kids and babies will tend to use the chopsticks and then climb onto the table and LOU. they are suppose to make it go higher and higher, instead those CUTE BABY COUSINS all throw the chopsticks to the back haha.
making it a mess haha.
and they only eat the CRISP!
they dont eat the rainbow coloured 'noodles' LOL!

i really miss those times when ah ma is around.
she;s like the man of the family.
she;s strong, smart and adorable!
i just love her.
now i cant celebrate new year with her,
i'll keep her in my heart.
i wonder how this coming new year will be.

cherish your family.
i know i have to learn alot on this.
i'm learning, i am.
to those cousins, whom ive quarrelled with,
i'm sorry.
We're blood-related after all, lets forgive and forget.
It takes fate and destiny for us to be cousins.
Love you

Why didnt you speak when u call me?

i have to just act as though we're stranger.

Tuesday, January 13

I'm in school now man.

as u can see im like rather slacking

ppl are studying hard man, lol

that explains why my result Kns.

haha.

went for S&W just now,

hiphop was fun! fun! fun!

had girls hiphop,

wooo

but i still think needa improve on my dancin posture.

look like shit on stage. :(

blog later!

shld be kboxin or gymin later(:

I've got your name tattooed on my chest.
Sobriety? Sanity?
I dont know.

Right!
Received my third Final Warning letter.
GrEaT work lah shinyi.
look properly and u'll realise i skipped S&W once a month!
wahha.
uhm, very-not-so-often i think? lol
anyways, im gonna do my make-up session ASAP cause Year one is ending!
woooooooo.
*shakes shakes shakes*

shake shake my ass ass

show show my thong thong

do do my thing thing

aint nothing wrong aint nothing wrong(:

Monday, January 12

Well, firstly
i would like to congratulate those people who scored well for their O level(:
CHEERS!
thinking back,
my results are kindly lousy too
lol, fancy me making big fuss of it.
haha.
well, its been a year since O's.
things changed, time files.

In poly, began to relax to max.
skipped lectures and tutorials.
buying MCs, not doing tutorial work.
freedom. freedom.
guess i was wrong in the past.
if i knew im not that disciplined,
i'll study in JC.
2 years and im done.
moving on to degree.
how nice. hhaha
but its too late, on my way to year 2 babyy!
woot.
really regretted going business studies too.
modules are dumb fuck boring.
but great and awesome pals there!
hehe
got to go guys.
have to update myself with work
:(

Thursday, January 8

random pic of deb xin san yee & me in our younger days haha.

Beneath the I-Don't-Know look of yours,
hidden stacks and stacks of unrealved assumptions/.
YUCK!

it's 8:36 in the morning.
the world starts spinning,
but my heart drop dead.
No more beats,
energy.
only to find out myself being weaker and weaker each day.
perhaps i have a serious illness.
I'm dying.

Wednesday, January 7

:(
have you ever been in the most fragile status where every single things in life just doesnt go your way?
Sadly, i am in such shit right now.
thoughts of taking my life away is bombarding me.
i mean, i am really tired of life.
it seems like no matter how hard i try, how tough it gets, how much longer i hold, i dont get the perfect results in the end.
maybe its because of my perfectionist mindset again
or perhaps just i wanna beat others in everything coz, im just really much better than them and dont deserve to be such state.
yea, blame me for wasting my youth away partying, drinking, smoking, singing- just entertainment stuffs lah.
bblame me for not doing what i ought to do.
or even blame me for doing so many sins, & this is finally what i reaped.
im in my most desperate mood now.
i dont wanna talk it out, i dont wanna share it, i dont wanna anyone to know how im feeling.
friends come and go.
but most of them prove to me that, true and real tested friendship seldom exist.
of course there are good friends i have.
realy, thankyou.
algin, i dont blame you detesting me for life.
maybe this is what i owe you in my previous life, thus i have to live up to this.
just hope love in the past doesnt get over and let us just remain like this.
to people who think im a flirt or bitch.
just be it, because i am with jeff now.
he is a good guy.
in fact both algin and jeff are awesome guys,
i let them down,
i dont know how to cherish them.
its just me being stupid.
things have to move on.
and jeff is in my life now, so no matter how you guys try to inflict pain into me, it doesnt work.
i really hope everything would be fine.
as for myself,
i have got nothing to say
maybe im going to quit school.
maybe im dying,
i really dont know... ...

ARG
kena cough, flu, blocked nose and now fever.
havent been school till today.
and my results sucks.
got D+ for itb.
urgh.
wtf, fuckin damn lousy recently.
and im gaining pounds and pounds of weight
fuck ala.

and ppl who spam my board.
really,
you wanna spam just spam bah.
too tired to do a shit to it.
you spam your prob.
and since its your prob i shant talk anymore.
Zzz.
as a psychologist or whatever u spell,
ppl spam because they are just simply jealous of me or just wanna find excitment thrg this.
erm, i think its some serious case.
sigh for you.
i think no medi can cure you.
chaos man.
dumbshit.