I'm really lost for words.
realised blogging isnt impt to me anymore.
its not where i can share my feelings with.
i dont know what else i could add on.
i guess i aint strong afterall.
it's hurting me inside.
jeff, i really thank you for all your gifts, surprises, words, huggs and kisses/
the time you spent with me were umlimited.
you spent sleepless nights under my block, knowing im safe at home.
you didnt bother abt the discomfort-ness you might have sleeping at the playground.
your sacrifies were tooo much to be mention.
i rmbed, when i was upset with my results,
you cheered me up with a surprise.
you went all the way to imm jsut to get me the drama series i always wanted to watch.
you gave up ur sleeping time just to do all this for me.
you even quarrelled with your parents just for me.
you rejected playin soccer with ur pals.
i can see how precious, how beloved i am to you.
but here i am, losing faith in us.
im selfish,
self-centered,
demanding,
unreasonable,
stubborn.
i didnt see how much effort you put into us.
you tried using millions of ways to make me feel better to make me feel extraordinary , great, yet, im still indifferent.
im sorry.
i wonder if one day you would stop loving me and find another better person who can represent me and all of me.
if that day ever arrive, what am i suppose to do?
how am i suppose to live without you?
noone will be there to stand by me.
will your love for me slip of gradually?
our future seems so blurry so blurry.
because now, i dont even know if i have the courage to love someone.
at times, i controlled my tears.
trying to show im fine.
trying to decive myself that everything will be fine soon.
i told myself to be resilient.
i wanna forgget all the miseries i have , the unwanted memories.
but whenever you;re not there with me, my thoughts run wild.
i dont knwo if i shld be happy or upset.

i know i shldnt be affected by them.
i know i shldnt think much.
i know i have to move on, and have no regrets,
because you'll be there u fill up my empty heart.