This year's NDP is going to be awesome.

went to marina ytd. its was like fucking crowded la.

ppl were like wahing here and there.

Algin and i saw the fireworks and heard the commands. haha. i had 'goose pimple'. it was simply great. i felt the proudness of s;pore.

So, we when shopping at marina square.

Oh yea. we when to DXO. A gigg event was going on. People were high and jumping around. singers beat-box and screaming their lungs out. dun get the song anw.ahah. DXO was very small la, as compared to MOS.

We headed to movies. Watched alone.

practically closed my eyes throughtout the movie hah.

hell lot of shocking scene. FUCK.

even algin tio shock. haha. it is like he was holding my hands and i was like covering my eyes and then when the ghost suddenly appeared and screamed

he squeezed my hands and jerked haha.

pretty nice moovie la. worth watching.

So after the movies at ard 11.30pm, we stoned at esplanda that area. the weather was nice and the sky was beautiful, good time to make love. aha.

i practically leaned on him the whole time bcoz i'm fucking tired.

i seriously think u crap alot la. wtf.
you love showing off, useless stuffs. which are incomparably to mine.
so please stop la. stop being arrogant and think that u are cool and rich.
basically u are a pool of mud and shit to me.
I AM UTTERLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
u made me feel that losing a friend like u is worth while.

YOU ARE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL LIAR.

DONT LOOK AT WITH THAT GROSS EYES. IT MAKES LIFE DIFFICULT FOR ME. SO PLEASE SCRAM OFF. COZ' I DONT FUCKING CARE WHO ARE YOU WITH. JUST STOP HAVING THAT OUTRAGEOUS BEHAVIOUR.

MUSCULAR GUYS ARE SUCH A TURN ON!!
WTF.

LOL! i'm at home shaking my legs till i drop dead. haaha.
didnt went school today, without any reason.
just suddenly dont feel like goign anw.

I'm feeling kind of EMO right now, hearing to Gary Cao Ge's song.
i love his songs hell lot. he puts his feelings into each words the sings.
he's definitely one of the good male singers.

of course while hearing to his songs, i thought of him.
WE GOT BACK TOGETHER YESTERDAY NIGHT.
we talked our hearts out and know that we cant live without each other ultimately. So god, dont break us apart. no matter how difficult or tedious it will be, i MUST be with him. i am his forever soul.
NOTHING breaks up apart PERMANTELY.

i really dont wish to say goodbye too quickly.
let me stay by your side even after the world collapse, the sun darkens, the birds cry. I LOVE YOU

being with you is the happiest moment i had in my life.
i never want to be loved anymore.
i always hope that we can we friends.
i hope u dont forget me in the future.
because there are too much happy moments that u cant bid goodbye.
the laughters, the cries, the smooches and everything.
though its hard to say goodbye, but i know it will be happier for u and me.
and after Os dont look up for me, i will never ever be your girl.
cause' i've ill-treated u too much that i cant bear to hurt u again.
dont cry for me okay. i'm not worth your tears.
since i'm not giving up on myself, u also dont give up alright.
there are things in life that u and me want to achieve.
dont hesitate to find your true love. coz i know i am REALLY not the perfect girl.
goodbye.

Its 22 july today.
I dont know why i have this weird feeling that we are now really friends.
I have this feeling that we wont patch anymore.
People say that SI LIAN is the worst feeling that one could have.
Its so damnit true.
I;m effing sad now.
I think i'll never be with him anymore.
Our relationship turns history.
It like, i never get to msg him, call him,talk to him with that same feeling as before.
This period of time will be tough on me and him. When we pass each other, our hearts will meet and it will hurt. Time heals. I guess there's really nothing more i expect from him. He's been a good and lovin guy, whats more that a girl can ask for.
I'm not angry or sad about this okay. Its so inevitable that we break. its so expected. hah. anyway, good luck for your Os. I give u all my best wishes.

I know he cant live without me. its true, i kknow him inside out.
so whats the point of worrying??
i thought u said we musnt be like other couples?
we must be special, we wont quarrel and break because of stupid minor stuffs.
BUT what is this? FUGGLY break???
i thought u say we will marry?
aiya. anyway, ITS DAMNIT IMPOSSIBLE FOR US TO LIVE WITHOUT EACH OTHER.
1 OR 2 DAYS NVM, BUT FOR WEEKS, NAH, DONT THINK SO. (((=

We broke up like again.
i seriously dont know why we quarrelled.
going to 1 year le, we still like that.
nvm la. we wont patch anyway.
he say after Os maybe then patch.
but who the hell say my love for you wont fade.
true love never exist in my journey of life.
he said he dont mind me having a guy, and he hopes i dont regret.
i'll find one for him to see then.
okay. i dont wan to mention at him.
but 6/8/07 is going to be the day we both cry.

As usual.

tml there's chem praac. and Algin has his F and N Olevel Prac. wish him all the very best then. LOVE YOU TO THE CORE.

i swear i saw them fucking.

GET OUT OF MY WAY BITCH.

Quarrelled again.

this time mrs tan knows. she comforted me. it was so kind of her. she rubbed my cheeks saying, girl, dont cry, dont be sad. HAHA. i felt a sudden guish of warmth and started sweeping even more.

i am an emotional person. that makes me so different coz' i dont look like one. (:

i'm troubled not only with my love life, social life too.

i cant say anything abt it.

Anyway there's like Fucking lot of test THIS WEEK.

1) BIO

2) ENG

3) CHEM

4) PRACTICAL BIO/CHEM/PHY

OMFGAWD.

O levels only wat, must so kan chiong meh. everyday test, mock papaers. no wonder ppl in my class suffers from breakdowns and cried. some even last min wan drop subjuects.

BECKHAM'S HAWT!!!

I VE GAINED A BRUISE WITHOUT ANY FCUKING GOD REASON.
DAMN IT. WHEN DID I SAY I;LL DO THAT SHIT.
WHATEVER @#$%^^&**

tell me if you really hate me. i hate to continue this on.
since you mum hates me, so be it. i cant fake smthg not myself out of me. i am what i am. so sorry. its me that i love shopping. no one can stop this, not even GOD. i will not pull u into deep water. later ppl accuse me of doing sinful stuffs. i'll perish or survive for myself. you will never understand me.

shinyi so pitful.....the bruise is killing me.

OH lalaaaa
i'm damn freaking happy with ma life now.
i've learnt to let things go pass so EASILY. haha. congrats!
i dont give a damn if u dont even talk or take a glance at me.
CAUSE I DONT FUCKING CARE!

i'm feeling naughty now. feel like digging my soul that i;ve buried deep inside since long. the feeling is JUST SO RIGHT. AWWWWWW
i'ma going CRAZYYYYYYY.

NEVER AGAIN will i love you. haha. (not algin, i always love him)
tml last day for school for this week. YAY!!! its been a hectic week.
iguessitstimeformetogetreadyforsomethingfun! staytune!
BYE.

Ages since i fuckin blogged.
was busy for the past few days.
so worn out.
remedials after remedials.
i was sick. vomitted and diarrhoea. MUTHAFUCKER.
damn sick la. i was in unconscious state.
and yea. i CUT my hair AGAIN.
and getting my new CAM soon. CAMWHORING!

Today just came back from algin's house.
ate his mum cooked food. haha. delicious though simple.
i love him, so much.
OUR 1 YEAR ANNI' COMING LE!!!
EXPECTING TO SEE WHAT HE GIVES ME.

Whatever you say alright. you wan to make me feel angry, agitated,pissed is your problem. I wan you to know im not that weak girl anymore. MORE CRITICISM, I CAN ACCEPT. since you wan to say those hurtful things like i wont interrupt or bother you, then fine. i'm born to accept criticism, i cant do anything to it.

If our relationship cannot even last to the end of 2007, i'm damn disappointed. this year is a challenge to both of us. if we fail to conquer, after our O's i bet we will regret because that is the period of time where we can taste sweetness in life, but already dont have each other to share this sweetness., it will then be a torture. -we will think back our past memories and then come to a conclusion that we both had been to harsh and hostile to each other.

I remembered the first time being with you. the feelings was great. i felt a sense of comfort, security,happy and proud. i felt ur hand brushes mine and you smiling to me. it was damn sweet. i will never forget. everyday you will send goodnight messagers and calll me to say goodnights. everymorning i will see you below my block awaiting for me. i was touched. i remember you even turned up at the victoria threater after my dance concert to fetch me. All this doings from you made me down tears of comfort. i've never thought guys are so noble that they are willing to let go everything just for there girlfriends, but u proved me wrong.

You are the guy that i will never forget and will never erased in my mind even if we break up. you are already are part of my life now and in the near future.

After every quarrel we will end up seeing each other's happy faces, then we will apologise. Why? why must we quarrel evrytime. and our arguements are due to stupid minor stuffs like schoolwork and studies and the time spent together. I thought love should be noble? i thought love is which you cherish him/her. Love isnt selfish. LOVE SHOULD BE HAPPY.

I REALLY DONT WAN TO LOSE YOU.

CHEM TML. FUCKING HATE IT.

I'm feeling very terrible right now. nothing can descibe how i feel now. school is so terrible that i have phobia for it. my social life sucks. im sucha loner but i do not give much a damn. i live in my own world. no one even cares.
GOD. i'm sosossoso sick, disgusted in myself.

He hurt my self-esteem over and over again. i sulked secretly on my bed every night to think that i'm such a failure. we quarrelled occasionally that i feel so sick and tired. it seems so inevitable. i'm changing. he is too. i stared into blank space without any reason or two. i feel so empty and helpless. the only remedy is his concern for me, but yet i receive his messages and calls. maybe he is avoiding me or dont even wish to talk to me coz i hurted him and perhaps he still bear grudges with me. Every min i peep over my phone just to see whether he replied, but he didnt. i was sadden everytime. why must he do this to me? such a beautiful relationship,we make it so ruined. i am crying now. he is the only shoulder that i can rely and talk to, but he disappeared in my world. where are you darl? i'm waititng for you to love me back. i'm not emo right now. please give me the feeling once before.

how i wish you are right beside me now and i want to cry in your arms. baby.

Freaking tired today.
and damn it. i was late for school today.
we had bio and chem remedial like one after the other. damn exhausting. and now i am doing A MATH hw. 2007-fuck this. and this SAT i have remedial from 8-1pm?? doing chem practical. Titration and titration and titration. not forgetting QA. OHHHHHHHHHHHGGAWD. i need my playtime.

anyway. Tml its our 11 month anniversary.though its notting much to compare with other people but i believe it meant alot to me and him. In this 11 mths, we put in our effort to sustain all qualities couples should have. I AM GLAD TO HAVE YOU BY MY SIDE. I LOVE YOU DUDE. <<3

AND GOOD LUCK FOR YOUR ORAL TML. (((=

FUCK MAN. I'M SOSSOSO BROKE LAH. DAMN IT. ARG... I NEED MONEY DESPERATELY. MY MUM JUST TOOK 50 FROM ME. LIKE WTF. AND SHE WITHDRAW 500 FROM MY BANK ACC. OMG.....HOW ON EARTH AM I GOING TO SURVIVE.

anyway, algin came my hse just now. haha. and WE ARE PERFECTLY ALRIGHT NOW. LIKE WTH RIGHT. hahah. we are inseparatable. Algin and i had FUN just now. then we studied. my mum came back and she cooked. HE loves my mum;s cooking. haha. PEACE OUT.

i'm so sorry. but i love you. we cant be together. i am not suitable for you. find your perfect girl bah

I;M DAMN PISSED OFF RIGHT NOW CCCCBBBBBBB. GO EAT SHIT. I DONT WAN SEE YOU ANYMORE.

This blog is meant for us.
but now it seems that it is meaningless.
Now it is left with me the one who is striving for the survival of this blog.
Love, i've been through it zillion times. none made me mature except for this.
He, brought me to another level of living.
He introduced a new chapter of life into me.
He turned my miseries into happy endings.
Now, he wont be there for me anymore.
and i caused it. how stupid and foolish of me for losing him.
its just few days back that both of us were saying that we will enter Poly together,have a fun and thrilling teenage's life, having world of our own, getting married, having the world's most expensive car, owning a loving life.
It is all empty promises.
Being single isn't that bad. However there are times we will get lonely and think of each other. Its is the sweet and fun times that brought me to tears. Thinking back, so much laughter, so much love we had is gone down to waste.

He said to me that Forever is possible.
and i believed.
now i still believes.

I wan him to hate me for losing him. but i dont think he hates me. yet he msged saying ' I LOVE YOU. I WONT FIND OTHER GIRL. THERE IS NO ONE I FANCY '. this made me even more guilty.

2 more months to our 1 year anniversary.
I had to bid goodbye.
Its is such such such a waste. Never in my life i though i can last with a guy for that long except him. But i am wrong. I and him were like two very lovely couples. everyone knows that. it is really a long way that we've both come this far. From the day we stead, i rememebered he didnt dared to hold my hands. haha. then after months we had our first kiss. it took us alot of effort to do so. slowly we did wad couples does. our love grew daily. We hang out almost everyday to see each other. then we coach each other in our studies. I taught him maths. He said he like the feeling of me being concerned and caring for his math when i teach him. There were times we quarreled and argued. Both of us cried and i know thats because we love each other. Seriously, love is such a hurtful thing. I rmb once i begged infront of him for not to the leave me. love can turn me into another person. i guess i had to leave the memoreis of him behind and carry on with my life. But it is not easy. There are still times when i'm all alone and i feel the emptiness in me and my mind will drift off thinkin of him. Seeing him in school makes me feeling even more awful. the way he smiles the way he talks to others makes me wanna cry. The feeling is like, ' he's mine once before. yet we seemed so stranger-like. its so unfair.'

I dont think he would wanna patch with me if i really wan to. i know that he's sick of me saying breaking and patching all over again. I'm done over this relationship. I hope he doesnt forget me,and remembers in his life time that we are once a Loving couple. cause i know after our graduation day at KR, we wont see each other at all because of O levels and he has to fly to England during the December holidays. and next year the possiblilty of us enetring a new Poly is very small.

i wont be blogging so often unless things changes. Cause the purpose of this blog is to blog out our story, since, we are not togetehr anymore, it dont benefit the purpose.


i know you will be here to view this blog. This post are words that i wan to tell you. I AM SORRY.