Your lies are like a beautiful song to me.

劉若英: 我很好

2012-01-22T13:14:00.000-08:00

First song post of 2012.

沙发上睡着
孤单冷醒的破晓
冷的面条热的泪痕
啤酒在苦笑
当时的煎熬
当时的心痛如绞
天终于亮了
遗憾终于退潮
终于能够恨不再疯
泪不再掉心不跑
一定会有一个人
一段新的美好

谁让我拥抱
谁让我再一次心跳
就算爱情让我再次的跌倒
伤痕也要是一种骄傲
谁让我拥抱
谁让我疯狂的心跳
就算明天整个城市要倾倒
也让我爱到最后一秒

丢掉电影票
删掉信件跟合照
洗了床单剪了头发
清空了烦恼
恨可以很小
小到眼泪能冲掉
我现在很好
可以重新起跑
终于能够恨不再疯
泪不再掉心不跑
一定会有一个人
一段新的美好

地铁涌出了人潮
幸福涌出了预兆我会
找回当初对爱天真的霸道

2011-07-05T12:03:00.000-07:00

I cant think right now..
many things up in my head.
I cant go on..
This is crap, really

2011-06-19T11:08:00.000-07:00

Quoted " If you really love your man then you should not jeopardize his happiness. you want him to be happy" "You have to let him go out. If he doesn’t come back to you, then he wasn’t good enough for you and not worth your time anyway"

I want hug hugs

2011-06-15T14:40:00.000-07:00

I dont understand why the fuck are there still suck pervertic people on earth. Fucking knn old faggot

2011-06-13T13:02:00.000-07:00

I'm sorry, I really didn't mean it..

2011-06-12T08:14:00.001-07:00

2011-05-19T03:55:00.001-07:00

it's May and soon to be June.
Time flies and i'm back in school haha.
Things changed and it's been going on pretty well.
Will update soon!

2011-03-17T14:31:00.000-07:00

Fuck you/ him

I'm neglected.

2011-03-07T12:04:00.001-08:00

F M L

2011-03-06T13:43:00.000-08:00

I'm not;
Rich,
Pretty,
Skinny enough.

Feeling like crappp &
arghh

I wanna run away, can I ?

:(

2011-03-04T04:30:00.000-08:00

Soooo tired.

2011-02-25T16:14:00.000-08:00

i'm caught in the middle of this dysfunction...

sooooo yeah,
received a call from mom that she havent made any arrangements for the overseas thingy,
she wanted me to think THRICE.
I'm really in a dilemma :(
Shld continue in SG or study abroad?
Is it really the best way out?
Or am i just running away?
Its so depressing.
I dont wanna leave my friends and close ones.
Howwwww.....

and for other aspects in life,
it's equally depressing.
i realise im so fucking ugly and short and fat.
didnt eat for 2 days still so fat like a pork pig, seriously

and dont understand whats up with his cold shoulder and mind fucking things..
anyways indirectly, everything ended like with a text?

wow

2011-02-24T16:49:00.000-08:00

Disappeared from my blog for quite awhile.
Reccently so much changes in my life..
Came down to a final conclusion..
Decided to leave SG ..
Everyone kinda agreed to it and yeah currently processing the bookings and arrangements..
Been thinking and sorting out alot,
guess it will be the best way?
Gonna wait for mommy to get back from Nepal and i'll leave soon after.
Sooooo i guess all the best for the rest in SG, my pals, buddies, everyone.
Love you all.

Will blog again (:

2011-01-30T12:05:00.000-08:00

Actually all those "Yes/No, Hi/Bye, How's life" conversations are telling me a lot...

Understood the message youre trying to convey.
Thanks

2011-01-01T13:13:00.000-08:00

Just blog hopped around..
Set me thinking about some stuffs..
Is it me or is it normal that couples spend almost every day of their time with their partner.
I just feel abit weird or i shall say wrong to see each other everyday?
I used to meet my guy everyday sort-of-thing..
But things turned sour and made us argue a lot.
Slowly meetings went from 7 days/per week to .... thrice or twice/per week?
Worst till once a week so it's 4 times/month.
And this thing goes on for few months plus minus..
Starting to feeel normal not meeting up as often as the rest do...
Well, what does this mean?
Really don't know...
Is it because we dont bother anymore or just let it be?

Texts and calls less often..
Contents of texts are very vague..
Like: where r u, what are u doing, etc
Seldom got to hear his voice on the phone.
Once in a blue moon?
Or in need of urgent decisions or stuffs like that.
Oh wells, just random thoughts..
Maybe diferent couples do things differently?

What else do i have to do?

I'm breaking down...

2010-12-22T13:51:00.000-08:00

I held on to this feeling for so long...
I could take it no more.
I teared.
I missed you.
There are times i tried picking up the phone dialling your number,
but i didnt press the call button in the end.
I hesitated...
I couldnt sleep.
And whenever i sleep, nightmares will come haunting me.
I cried in my nightmares.
I woke up to find myself shivering.
What am i afraid of?
After all ive seen, all ive been thrg,
i feeel so tired of dealing with human beings.
i hate goodbyes..

Today, i sort of quarrelled with my good old friend.
I didnt meant it, things became sour..
I dont know how things bettween us will go in the future..
Sigh, whydid things turn out this way..
Bb, I need you here now,
but where are you :(

2010-11-30T09:47:00.000-08:00

2010-11-28T03:10:00.000-08:00

Rapunzel !

Love, is the person you think about during the sad songs

2010-11-25T01:13:00.000-08:00

"i will kill the spiders. i will share my fries with you when you’ve finished all yours and are still hungry. i won’t ever pop my collar. i will never be rude to your tummy- when i hear it growl and gurgle, i promise to bend down and reply respectfully. i will eat the mushrooms when we order the supreme pizza. i will kiss the papercuts. and the door-slammed finger. and the counter-bumped hip. i’ll try my hardest not to get annoyed when you whisper questions and comments during movies. i will be the big spoon. i will let you win at wrestling. sometimes. other times i will not. i will go faster. harder. i will pull when you want. and tease you when you don’t. i will send you random txts and leave you silly gifts. not always. not on schedule. just whenever i want to. whenever i think you need one. or seven. i will check your tire pressure. and remind you to take your car in. i will hold your hand. i will love you. i will love you. i will love you."

I just gave up on the last item which reminds me of you.

2010-11-22T04:01:00.000-08:00

I never thought I will hear myself saying this, but thank you.
Because if you hadn't of come along,
I never would have learned that my worst day could also have been my best.
Because when a heart breaks, it also opens
And once a heart opens any number of things can happen,
And some of them can be wonderful.
You know,
One of these days you'll realize how I was the one for you.
How you threw it all away.
And when that day comes, I'll smile and tell you the same things you once told me.
That you're my friend. And that's all I want us to be.
And maybe, if you're lucky,
You'll open your eyes, and see how those words can never be comforting.
And you'll never say them again.

Whatever you've said over the phone tonight,
It's all recorded in my heart.
I;ve become a burden a extra in your life.
You dont have to tell me,
I will walk away myself,
Im sure one day
Feelings for you will go,
Just like how i feel towards my previous ex.
I made the choice to finally go because,
I can't stand this pain.
It's time for my last tear to fall and me to smile again.
You know, if you push someone away too much, they might just leave
Remember, I didn't leave, you pushed me away.
You'll know it's too late.
Anw, I ddont want anything back
Even if you dont wanna return back my money it's alright.
Our love doesnt even worth 200.
算了，你走吧，我也走。
I will let time heal my wounds
I guess by next year, I'm all anew.
I will try hard to forget people that doesnt appreciate me
and accept people what truly loves me.
I will burn all our memories, love letters, anything that you gave me.
because it all doesnt matters anymore.
One day when you decide to turn back,
I wont be there anymore.

i hadn't been expecting.

2010-11-04T15:02:00.000-07:00

Things arent going too well, so far. But. had great catch up sessions with peeps. Oh well.
It's Nov now. Dec next month. Time really really flies. Gawd. It seemed i just turned 18 yesterday and now i'm 19 soon. Really hope fer the better next year.

Ciaos. WAN.

Love my weekend!

2010-11-01T06:55:00.001-07:00

2010-10-26T09:17:00.000-07:00

Some people just like to gossip and spout nonsense to my mom. telling her things I do outside. making her worried.

Anyway on the brighter side, I hope to visit MBS sooon. Everyone is telling me how awesome it is to be there. Sigh. And I hope this week goes well for me....
cause it's HALLOWEEN!
Every year without fail I'll dress myself up. lol
Year 07 - Latex Cat costume
Year 08- Black Devil
Year 09- Jap School Girl Costume
Year 10- ????????

2010-10-25T00:19:00.000-07:00

SUCK ON IT, BITCH

2010-10-25T00:15:00.000-07:00

The sooner you realize things will never be the same again, the sooner you can move on.

2010-10-21T12:53:00.001-07:00

A man and women who are both feeling blue, shouldn't we let our hair down and have a good time together?

Dont miss me when im gone.

2010-10-13T05:45:00.000-07:00

I played along with the bullshit lies,
But obviously I was affected,
What kind of boyfriend wouldn't notice that.
You're the type of guy who doesn't see what he has until she leaves.
Cuz without me you know you're lost..
Minus you, Im better off.
Soon you will know.

We got along until you did that,
Now all I want is my stuff back,
Do you get that?
Let me repeat.
I want my stuff back.
You can send it to me,
Just drop it off in my mailbox.
I wont be home.

Now that i see things clear,
No matter what you say,
I won't return
I'm stronger now
I will find my way out of you.
Don't waste your tears on me,
Just save them for someone in need.
It's alright, It's okay,
I'm so much better without you!

2010-10-12T10:24:00.001-07:00

CB RED and DRUNK.

i hadn't been expecting.

2010-10-12T10:00:00.000-07:00

it wasn't a big shock.
neither was it disappointing.
it was completely nothing.
im glad im fine because ive been through worst baby.
nothing's gonna hit me down under.

Recently, opened myself more to socialising.
and HEY! i got back my confidence and motherfucking pride.
I'M STILL HOT AND SEXY OKAY! hahahaha opps!

2010-09-24T14:17:00.000-07:00

F1 fever

2010-09-24T13:51:00.000-07:00

Met the usuals and hanged out.
This time round they got me hanging:

It's either they asked me WHYand urge me to move on or they just give me the awkward silence..
Well, repeatedly im giving the same answer, same expression, same face.
they jolly well know what's going on with my life.. i cant deny futher.

What actually hurts the most is that he didn't tried to keep me till the very last.... ....
And if he truly likes me, he won't let anything in the way and fight back just to keep me in his arms. In anyway, it's just a dream and it's all bullshit manzx. Had enough of heart to heart talks,
In life, i realise there's no time to be sad.
SO just fucking E.N.J.O.Y

2010-09-23T03:23:00.000-07:00

It's time to move on

and i don't wanna miss you anymore

2010-09-23T03:19:00.000-07:00

You are doing your best to push me away. And you know what?
I'm finally going to do you a favour and not push back anymore.

2010-09-23T03:09:00.000-07:00

"When people walk away from you, let them walk.

Don't try to talk to another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring for you, coming to see you or staying attached to you.

When people can walk away, let them walk.

Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left"

Fuck that bitch

2010-09-22T14:21:00.000-07:00

Listen up bitch.
Dont blame it on me when you cant control your bf.
Mind your fucking words.
Since you guys are over then stop putting blame on me.
Guys are all the same. soooo if you hate em, then why not like girls? cheebye

I AM REALLY LOSING MY SENSE.
BEING SINGLE ALSO KENA ACCUSED FOR STEALING YOUR KUKU BOYFRIEND SIMILANJIAO
WAH LAU EH FUCK THIS WORLD
AND FUCK YOU!

Hey mr cutie

2010-09-09T10:04:00.001-07:00

2010-09-07T14:03:00.000-07:00

Guys are....

2010-09-07T13:21:00.000-07:00

I admit it feels kinda new without a partner after so long(finally), it's like all of the sudden people start to notice you from everywhere even on bus rides. crazy.
and seriously, i think guys nowadays are either too desperate or too lonely. I dont f care if you're hot, rich, suave or cute. just try not to be too aggressive please. and SOME guys are just so touchy ohmygod. got gf already still flirt. i dont know why, but im feeling very vulnerable always. shit and i always hate it.
and im starting to feeel being in a r/s is better than alone? Well dont know lah. rather have someone familiar, someone you know that you can talk to, someone who is Physically Compatible for yourself. you feel so much comfortable and easy with your guy than some random partner probably just a rebound partner ; using him/her to forget your ex.

Sigh, been busy last week. hardly slept much. mixed emotions, hectic schedules. luckily mommy is leaving sg for china sooon. like for 14 days?! Guess gonna crash ppl's place or i'll get boreddd@home alone.

feeling kinda down, inevitable i know. trying to get that f-up feeling away. i know time heals. it will. and when i know i dont wanna start dating so soon, people get too over caring for you, although it makes me feel loved, but i just dont need all this right nao. Sorry man. Yes i'm single but not yet available.

All in all, letting go of somthing that doesnt belongs to you, might do us both well.
I am never your happiness. Never was, never is, never will.

2010-08-31T19:14:00.000-07:00

You promised me you will come back safety.

yes you did.

You sent me the last text saying you will love me everyday

and will see me very soon when youre back.

But you didnt..

You came back a changed person......

I wanted to tell you, how much i missed you when you're away.

But why for???

You were having fun..

Real fun..

**********

Spongebob(You): What will you do when i'm away?

Patrick(Me): Wait for you to come back.

I m devasted.

I m drained.

I m whole heartedly broken.

I should seee it all coming.

All the broken dreams.

It really hurts, real bad.

I m suffering from everything.

I m feeling really suicidcial.

I m really in pain.

My heart aches so so badly.

I CANT STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!

真的很痛

Im left with nothing now.

I guess i have nothing to lose from now on.

Thanks for making me like this now.

Thank you for being so heartless.

Im not gonna fall for you anymore

Im not going back my old ways.

Jeff chiang, listen up

you dont need to worry for me.

you used to say im like a little baby.

haha i guess im not.

you have someone Better to take care of.

i shalll not cry anymore.

i want to forget our past.

i want to forget our promises and dreams.

Dont worry, i will live well with whoever guy it may be

I hope you too.

2010-08-31T15:06:00.000-07:00

Some times some things are too late to regret.
A gem in disguise?
Sorry, you didnt cherish it.

2010-08-24T15:54:00.000-07:00

I'm not the only girl in your eyes.
Weeks of silence between us made you go astray.
I dont know what i should do anymore or how should i react to all this fuss.
and i know it myself, i'm just part and parcel in your life.
you never planned for anything..
you just let each day pass..
i never should put too much effort into us in the first place,...
when i know it will turn out a mess.
i shouldnt devote myself too much.
in fact, you taught me how to be heartless.

2010-06-02T15:51:00.000-07:00

Sometimes, long rides home from work really gets me into deep thoughts.

I simply love long bus rides, with earplucks stuck into my ears, totally indulging into the music.

This track is my current fav on my ipod. . .

害怕-林俊杰

simply explains and says everything i'm going through daily,

or how i feel towards love, life and all that matters..

honestly, i stopped believing in myself including people around me.

sometimes, somethings are just meant to be kept in your heart,

no point sharing it with someone else, because no one can ever understand your thoughts, your voice.

I stopped yearning, complaining, losing my temper, demanding, wishing, wanting, dreaming, loving.

Here's some lyrics from that fav. song. . .

我不再，去执着我是谁，

或是我在夜里掉的眼泪，

我的爱，只说停不能停

已经浓得不能说是曾经

竟没能让你相信是爱情，

左右你我.

I wish i could go back,

where things were still so beautiful..

2010-06-01T07:13:00.000-07:00

The usual ' Dinner and Movie' routine..

2010-05-25T10:46:00.000-07:00

2010-05-22T18:16:00.000-07:00

STRESSS LEVEL 10!

2010-05-18T11:57:00.000-07:00

So once you decided to leave, don't ever come back.
and once you decided to give up, Don't pin any hopes on this r/s anymore.

and before i go, i will get back what's left of me. my belongings, my love.

2010-05-18T05:52:00.000-07:00

I will never be the same, if we ever meet again.

2010-05-06T11:08:00.000-07:00

2010-05-06T10:56:00.000-07:00

I wish i could show off to everyone that im the happiest girl on earth.
I wish i could brag to other girls that i have the coolest, braviest, most gentlemen boyfriend.
I wish i could name him super boyfriend on my contact list.
Lovey -dovey.

I really dont believe such thing as love anymore.
it's crap
i feel like crying, but i couldnt cry.
being friends is the best for both of us.
i m so sick so sick so sick.
why am i getting envious of the rest.
who needs love man.
they just need sex

2010-03-10T08:39:00.000-08:00

Dont you just love my sexy red heels? HAH!

2010-03-09T06:34:00.000-08:00

I guess time can really bring either 2 people closer or further away..
I dont yearn for him as much as i do in the past..
I dont get angry for nothing when he doesnt text me anymore..
I dont wait by for his phone calls anymore..
Slowly, i'm replacing him with other things in life..
because i guess there's no more Love between us now..
i guess your words really etched into my mind..

saying that we could never be tgt again..

i took your words and moved on..

well

i dont know if this is a good thing for us..

because you never really ever opened up your heart when youre with me..

you never speak to me about how you really want us to be..

or perhaps you did..

just i didnt take it seriously..

but in the very end, you've won..

im backing out of your life,

i dont wanna know anything about your life anymore..

it haunts me somehow..

starting anew, seeing new people is what i guess i need to do now..

went for driving today..

ordered mac and mac took damn long:(

cabbed down to bbcdc.

and i cant believe im driving at night!

LOL so weird!

very super nervous during driving just now..

after driving D wanted to meet me for dinner, but i cancelled..

didnt wanna see anyone recently... too much things up in my head..

didnt reply calls and msges either..

just felt so trapped and lonely out of the sudden..

there's so much things i wish i could whine and complain about to my loved one..

it's like a kind of loneliness that not even your good close friends can give..

whereas only someone you love, you care can make you feel genuinely happy, genuinely occupied.

can anyone please advise me on how should i deal with my r/s stuffs?

i dont wanna get innocent people involved with my life:(

2010-03-07T03:29:00.000-08:00

You never fail to make me feel inferior.
& this sucks.
mom left this morning leaving me with cash.
Argg, dont know if it's enough for a month.
THIS IS CRAZY.
Leaving me for a month?!
OMGGG.
i need to do grocery shopping sooon..
stock up food at home.
incase i go hungry and i dont wanna MAC everyday!
it's already 1 week into holidays and alot of things happened.
well, he said he doesnt want me back, and i accepted it.
if friends can be happier, i'm okay.
maybe you shouldnt even be my bf at all..
well, i'm opening up to love again..Atleast..
i dont wanna cry for you forever..
let it go, move on..
let me plan what should i do for this month..
i guess i will just make full use of it and organise a steamboat at home?
well Dont know? guess i will invite those ppl im close with bah.
Sigh
Tonight...will be a lonely night:(
in fact, it has been always like this.
argh. bye

2010-02-28T02:13:00.000-08:00

Happy for wendy after meeting up with her recently...
She managed to find someone who loves her..
despite of her painful and torturous past, she picked up herself and moved on..
ive seen those tears, heartaches.
those lonely nights where she will call me and cry..
seen her grown up through this process,
I'm really really really happy for her.
I understand how exactly this feels during the breakup period..
So, wendy JIA YOU!
Let him love you care for you, you will be happy!
Loves xoxo

2010-02-28T00:36:00.000-08:00

From past weeks, i saw something..
you're not sure if you want me, but at the same time you don’t want anyone else to have me.

you know what?
you're right, no matter how hard i try to rekindle this love, i can't.
i can't seem to communicate with you either.
and i know meanwhile holding on me, you're trying to find some other girls out there.
it's understandable.
but its okay.
im more than willing be your spare or i'll be someone to let you fill in when you're lonely until you find someone else who fits to be your partner than me.
even if you leave me for another women in the end while holding on to me giving me hope that we could be together, i will never blame you.. Because ive made this choice to take care of you as long as i can and i promised myself to never stop loving you..

2010-02-25T01:32:00.000-08:00

Honestly speaking, you dont have to ask me if ive given up or not.
you should be asking yourself.
and you're asking me
because you dont even have an answer to yourself.

You find and contact me as and when you want.
you reply and hang up my calls and texts as and when u feel like.
I mean, i want a relationship.
You wanna me to wait and not give up.
yet you didnt show me that its worth waiting.
i dont need you to be my another 'friend' sending me vague msges like what am i doing and where am i.
If all you know is to do that to keep a girl to you,
Then i really 爱错了。

2010-02-25T01:28:00.000-08:00

Yeah and im drifting.

2010-02-24T09:24:00.000-08:00

我一次一次的失望。
渐渐的，
我不再有任何的期待，
开始接受你在我生命中，
消失的事实，
过着没有你的日子。

因为在你的心里，
只有朋友，车子，富裕
没有我。

2010-02-23T05:39:00.000-08:00

SO SICK OF STUDYING

2010-02-23T02:52:00.000-08:00

I really need to run away from here.
Everything is just so pressurising..
even entertainments are getting way tooo effort-taking.
Even someone i thought i could whine and cry to, finds fault with me.
ARGH.
So what if its the freakiing holidays.
more and more people will pick me up on all kinds of issues.
Can't someone just talk to me in a good way and dote on me? instead of pinpointing.
I really wish i could just keep everything to myself and die from it.

It's really very hard trying to keep my affections low..

2010-02-23T01:44:00.000-08:00

ONE LOVE <3

2010-02-22T01:55:00.001-08:00

Are you just keeping me there as an exit route?
You just wanna make sure i'm always there and constantly update on what's happening in my life?
I'm confused...
What shld i do...

2010-02-22T01:41:00.001-08:00

His friends and his mother were a big issue in our relationship

2010-02-22T01:28:00.000-08:00

We met up a few times recently,
and he declared that he still has deep feelings for me,
and really wish we could really make this r/s so perfect once more,
but even if he belives that now...
can his friends change that?

They all (his friends) thinks I'm a controlling, home wrecking psycho-path that stole their best buddy away from them..

BUT..

My questions are:

1) Is there any such thing as being out of someone's league?

2) Can a guy be with a woman that his friends dont like?

3) Is there any way for me to get his friends to realize I'm not a bad person and that J is with me for a reason..?

4) I really dont want to lose him. He makes me smile but I'm worried about our future...

Can anyone give me some advice?
My head is throbbing..

2010-02-11T15:56:00.000-08:00

Hope you made the right choice.

tonned over glenn house for some heart to heart sessions.
been ages since i really talked to him.
Last few days was hell. Literally luh.
Shag + Tired + Busy
slept at almost 6am everyday, siao one.
I'm like hooked on this website, so freakin interesting.
and yeah did some new year shopping for household stuffs.
i became like one of those Kpo aunties and 38 aunties roaming, squeezing to get last minute newyear thingy.
I brought some decorations Lol!
sibei chio i must admit hehe.
bo bian, good taste.
(all my exes definitely have excellent tastes for once having me) HAHAHA
But sadly, havent get my new year clothes yet.
think im going to get it done by tmrw or the day after.
and yeah, im totally going to change my hair.
I wanna prove to you, i can be soooo much prettier! HMPF!
anw. fuck it.
going to buy shorts, shoes, heels, dresses!
oh yeah, Sighh..
saw this shirt and shoes that prolly suit him.
Fucking nice, but aiya, he's not mine already..cant make him wear for me to seeeeeeeee:(
well, its Valentine's and New year sooon.
wonder what i'll do and who will ask me out on the 14th :(
but doubt so lah, and i dont think there's anything to celebrate abt for this year's Vday.

sign off
Sy.L

2010-02-11T13:45:00.000-08:00

by letting me go,
you'll prolly know that its possible for either one of us falling into someone else's arm.
since you arent afraid of losing me to someone else, i guess i have no reason to be afraid too.

2010-02-05T16:01:00.000-08:00

Story of my love
Finally understood the pain algin went through during that period of time.
He told me i wont last with J.
and we really didnt last.
what the hell.
to think back, it was all like a joke, a drama.
J tried so hard to woo me over,
algin pleaded me to come back .
but i didnt.
i moved on with J leaving him crying at home for months and years.
insomnia, heartaches, absence from school, partying, drinking, etc is what he faced & went thrg.
Algin told me i will receive the exact karma for being so HEARTLESS.
HEARTLESS is the word ive learnt from this lesson, because i never really did understand the real meaning of the word HEARTLESS.
at plently of times, Algin asked me why can't i give him another chance to prove that he will change and treat me better.
all i could reply him was: I'm sorry.
i know i was with J all the while and i really felt happy with J.
and i left someone who loved me so much at home crying everyday..
slowly, Time eventually heals.
Algin managed to pick himself up and move on with life without me.
he found his happiness and managed to put the sad past behind him.
and he is perfectly alright with his life.
He told me it is tough, but it is finally over.
i'm happy for him.
He told me i will regret being with J,
but i didnt regret and i never will.
this 2 years with him, ive learnt so much from J.
his obessesions over cars, family matters, accidents, overseas, r/s probs, etc..
i gave in my all and i really mean MY ALL.
i really have no regrets.
the only thing ive regretted is i finally see how much i stand in your heart.
I loved you more than you actually do.
When i fall, you didnt give me a helping hand.
When i cry, you didnt give me a shoulder to cry on.
When i need you, you wasnt there for me.
Even the day we broke up, you said it wont be the last time you will be seeing me.
you said you wont be ignoring me.
you said you will be there whenever i need.
you say you still care for me.
Because you still love me.
i still rememeber the last time we last saw each other was at my staircase.
It was the saddest day in my life.
i saw you leaving, walking away from me.
i never thought it would be the last time i could ever see you.
till now, i dont know how much youve changed..
how have you been..
how are you..
i know all these means nothing now
but i believe my love for you never dies
i really dont know how long your hatred towards me can last..
i really dont know how long can you stay hostile towards me..
i really dont know how long you can ignore me untill..
All i know now is,
i've received my karma.
and this is my karma now.
i am doing and living the life of what Algin had went through..
i've pleaded more than enough,
but you said this isnt what you want..
im really confused and tired..
since im not what you want, i shouldnt really stay anymore.
i just cant believe this is happening to me......to us...
i'm sorry

2010-02-04T11:21:00.000-08:00

Trust me, one day you will regret the decision u made for leaving me.
I believe i will and can be the best girlfriend any man can find.
I've learnt mistakes from this r/s.
I'm changing but you couldnt wait.
It's alright.
Love will find me some day.

2010-02-01T12:55:00.000-08:00

My eyes are freaking swollen. And i swear i was fucking weak. Lookin at these pictures made me feel so teerible. Gonna be a scar left forever at my head:(

2010-02-01T02:08:00.000-08:00

Dont wanna cry
Dont wanna think back
i begged for the slightest mercy
but to no fucking avail
i really hope you're doing well.
i guess life without me would be awesome
no responsibilities
can meet chicks everynight for a spin
im tired of everything
i thought i could be so tough
but thinking at the way you shouted over the phone saying
FUCK OFF FROM MY LIFE
I WILL NEVER SEE YOU AGAIN
I DONT EVER WANNA SEE YOU
WHATS THE POINT OF MEETING YOU WHEN YOU HURT ME SO MUCH
WHATS THE POINT OF MISSING A FUCKIN BITCH LIKE YOU
love conquers everything
i saw your love for me
i remember your mom telling you when you 2timed me before,' she said'
" she will forgive you and come back to you if she loves you"
but now, you leave me without last goodbye
no last kiss
no last touch and worst
no last meet up.
i ask myself whats the point of crying
i even told myself to wait for the day you come back to me.
i must be a fool to think that.
i hurt algin so much, yet he still beg me to come back even when i already have another r/s.
what is this.
how much do i stand in your heart?
forget it, just forget me.
you'll be happier.
you dont have to bother if im waiting for you still,
because you showed me its pointless waiting.
take care

2010-01-27T22:50:00.000-08:00

Im waiting everyday so crucially bitter.
my nights are wasted.
tears, heartache.

You're gone.
You're walking away from me.
you dont ask me where am i anymore
you spend time with your friends i suppose,
doing stuffs that i dont know.
Yet, i'm letting you go, giving you your freedom.
removing myself from your life.
my existance (i know) will irritated you.

But i'll still see you for the last time to pass you everything you left behind.
Please take it away with you, i dont wanna have memories anymore.
lets all start anew.
i guess its better for both of us and everyone.
the silence you're giving me is making my heart bleed.
i cant live anymore.
i cry in tutorials.
because i see couples bonding strongly everywhere.
i really want you back.
but i know now everything had change.
but i cant accept this because i didnt do anything to hurt you intentionally.
why ccant you seee it?
yes im wrong, but i didnt played you.
you've got it all wrong.

i really cant bid these 2 years behind.
you promised to get me a ring.
it wont come true anymore
valentine would be meaningless.
i see valentine advertisments around.
roses, teddy bears, chocolates.
my buddy yh even asked me to chose a glass musical box for his gf.
i broke down infront of him.
he keep telling me he will forgive me.
but i know its all white lies.
he;s gone already.
and will never come back

i need to face this.
thats why i will meet you up.
thanks for the beautiful memories at Phuket, Bangkok, Msia, Genting and JB.
i love you, goodbye

2010-01-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

this song really speaks to me
if ur reading this i wish i could told u how i felt i wish i could see u for even one last time
it breaks me every day im not near you

2010-01-25T06:35:00.000-08:00

my heart is tearing

tears are flowing down profusely

i could barely see anything

you're gone forever from my side

i stopped knitting

coz my heart stops beating literally

i dont know why i keep blogging

i dont know why am i always so sad

when you can seem so happy

i wanna amend

i never meant to do those things to you

im sorry thhat ive hurt you

its something i must live with everyday

and all the pain i put you through

i wish that i could take it all away

and be the one who catches all your tears

i went sunset way again

i passed by so much places that brought back beautiful

memories

like those days we played firecrackers at the playground

those days where we gazed up to the sky

those days when u waited for me at my void deck

miss those kisses on the forehead

those firm assurring hugs

i went to the carpark where you always brought me home

i searched for you car hoping somehow you would be there

i reminisce everything

the handicap slot you always used to park your car

the vending machine you used to buy drinks from

the path you always walked me home

sadly im all alone now

i need you here so much

im screaming out for you, cant you hear?

i need those smiles from your face

they are all so beautifully perfect

i didnt want to hurt you

someone please tell me what i shld do

every second is torturing

im listening to all sorts of songs to express my feelings

why cant i deserve another chance

why cant i deserve any thing more from you

i dont wanna force you..

i dont know how long can i tahan..

i dont know how long i can wait

i dont know how i will react if one day you fall for someone else better

i dont know what will i become one day if i stopped loving you

baby please give us one more chance

2010-01-23T15:47:00.000-08:00

you miss me.
i miss you.
but you cant accept this fact.
what is the fucking fact?
you gave me this responsibility to find the truth.
the truth is i nvr ever liked him.
what and how am i supposed to do?
are we gonna let others the chance to fill in our emptyness?
are we gonna get replacements?
im thinking too hard.
sometimes, too much
i dont know what will happen next.
am i suppose to wait and see?

I had too much regrets in life.
I dont wanna have another one.

2010-01-23T02:58:00.000-08:00

thanks for leaving me this song at your facebook.
Eamon - fuck it, dont want you back.

i have this only song for you.
Jay Chou - Ge Qian

i believe you will forget this r/s because it caused you so much hurt.
i believe i will become part of your past.
maybe youre right. we should really let go this time.
you made it clear.
goodbye

2010-01-21T14:16:00.000-08:00

fuck you jia jun.
you know it best youre the person behind this shit.
NOW YOU MUST BE HAPPY THAT I BROKE UP WITH HIM.
I WONT MAKE IT HAPPEN.
FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.
YOU CAN NEVER MAKE ME SOUND LIKE THE CAUSE, BECAUSE YOU ARE THE FUCKING ONE.
YOURE GOOD AT GAINING SYPHASIZES FROM YOURE FUCKING FRIENDS.
YOU ARE THE ULTIMATE FUCKED UP

2010-01-21T12:57:00.000-08:00

If you can look in my eyes and tell me you never loved me, then I'll walk away and never speak of it again.

2010-01-21T12:42:00.000-08:00

A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who means a lot to you, only to find out that it wasn't meant to be and you just have to let go..

We had said good-bye so many times before, but somehow our paths always managed to cross and we ended up in each other's arms. But now when we said this good-bye I have this feeling that I will never see you again. And this really hurts because this time it's simply so real.

Eiffel Tower , thanks for becoming my memory, not reality anymore.

2010-01-16T13:13:00.000-08:00

I wish you would just open your eyes and see what you're losing. I mean it's 'me' the person you felt you could 'stay with forever.' of course I wonder what happened to us. What person wouldn't? I just wonder if you even think about making it better. We both screwed up a lot. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, and I hope I've made up for all the times I've ever hurt you. But you didn't even make an attempt on making it better. You just let me go

2010-01-05T11:40:00.000-08:00

take care my dear,

maybe we were never meant to be.

2010-01-05T11:08:00.000-08:00

what am i now?
what have i turned into?
have pride got into me?
something we worked so hard, yet we put it away so easily.
maybe its just we dont appreciate all that we both do.
im slowly fallin out.
how did we end up here this way?

i finally understood how my heart can really ache badly...

2010-01-05T11:00:00.000-08:00

2010-01-04T16:49:00.000-08:00

hey my blog. its all on private now. dont worry.
well, this will going to be my largest turning point in my life.
used to think i cant live without algin.
but acutally i can.
i think this time i wil make it too(:

当你改变不了一个人，你就应该改变自己。

2010-01-03T13:31:00.000-08:00

2010-01-03T13:25:00.000-08:00

my god my hair is quite nice right last time.

and i look so young.

hehe.

felt a sudden boost of confidence haha,

2010-01-03T12:57:00.000-08:00

SO SICK OF LOVE.
REALLY WISH im a guy sometimes.
oh wells.
schoool tmrww.
2010 is gonna be a better year!
GOING ON 3RD YEAR SOOON!
JIA YOU MAX.
HAVING ATTACHMENTS LIKE SOOOOON TOOO.
OMG.

2009-12-29T04:22:00.000-08:00

2009-12-29T04:19:00.000-08:00

You're my Love lockdown
so please me love lockeddown.

2009-12-29T03:59:00.000-08:00

27,28,29 DEC

To Chiang Wei Xiong:
there are practically too much doubts in you and your fucking words. Firstly, you said you were home playing ps3 cant fucking online. okay sua. if you think i believe you must be a loser and ultimate fool lah haha. anything man. you wanna bring girl back home fuck and suck not my problem. i pray and hope you got her pregnant and marry that Fugly bitch and happy forever. Secondly, you lost your wallet. who the fuck dont know where they lost their wallet. the first time you said was on the road, after that said you didnt actually know where u lost it. there are tooo many doubts here dude. Thirdly, your best friend is at your house. wth? for fuck? gay sex? orgy masturbation? dont blame me for being crude here dude. loook at yourself. youre the ultimate person with 'BLOOD STAINS' then pushing all the blame on me by scolding me on msn, 'wah knn ccb, why your blog got this aussie guy..blah blah..nvm lah shinyi, youre dishonest' hahah' DUDE, look whose talking. talk to my hand lah. you guilty your prob, dont change arrow and make me sound like the killer lah fucker.
On 27 Dec ard 2am after your liverpool match. you said you were talking to your parent. utter bullshit lah hor. you say your parents back in SG le. TALK cock. got meh? haha. i dont know what uve done on those nights lah. like what ive mention as above. i dont care how many pussies youve licked, how many dicks you've sucked. just make sure i dont catch you, coz i will make your life even more difficult. in any case i might sound like a sucker or lunatic, im sorry, you made me into it. and dont come telling me that you wont do things to hurt this r/s like knowing other girls or whatsoever, coz its not the fucking link, i wont even get mad if you really know other girl lah. in fact it will just be a '解脱' for me. knowing that A GUY like you, are not worth any shit of my attention. i'll jjuust kick you off my fuckin life. not as if i cant find guys out there. the only thing that will get me on my nerves is that you are not repentent and keep lying without an twitch on your eyelid. but luckily, im smart. i know what youre fucking up toooooooooooo.
SERVE YOU RIGHT FOR LOSING YOUR WALLET

And i always believe what comes ard, goes ard.

__ MotherFucker

2009-12-07T11:53:00.000-08:00

I just realised u're from Aussie.
no wonder you loook different from the rest.
haha.
that night was crazy shit, seriously.
well, thanks to you.
and i know you kinda regretted what you've done.
pretty disappointing:(
perhaps, just take time.
till then, Hah.

oh, yeah!
im so gonna apply some citibank credit card!
so much privileges!
Awesome stuffs lah.
and I AM TURNING 18 in LESS THAN 2 DAYS
OH GOSH!
i wonder how you gonna plan it.
Well,
pray hard eh.
SCHOOOL TMRW @ 11am!tata

ps: iloveyourtouches.

2009-12-05T12:08:00.000-08:00

i felt the pain in the tears.

Last night, had dinner with my awesome friends plus you.
thanks for giving me such an unforgetable early birthday 'surprise'.
thanks people for being there with me whenever i neeed you guys.
you guys never fail to bring laugher and joy to my life.
sometimes little things in life that i may have over looked,
from now, i wanna cherish every friends, relationships i have in life.

Finally turning 18..
getting older as years go by,
friends stood by me whenever i fall, and picked me up, gave me the strength to continue moving on in life.
heart to heart talks with you ppl made me understand deepest meaning in life,
genuine love, and care.
i hope in my coming years, ive learnt what i went through, and never look back..

For you,
deepest thanks from me.
though sometimes your harsh and blunt words pierce through my heart so badly,
i still hope one day you will treat me and love me the way like you do in the past.
but i know one day even though our love for each other dies,
atleast i know i've tried so hard to salvage everything and live with no more regrets in this r/s.
once i rmb you asking me this qn,
'why did our love went wrong'
i thought throughh so much,
and finally know why.
as days being tgt with you gets longer, we both expect more from each other.
we expect more from what we want from each other in the beginning.
we expect each other to understand each other by keeping quiet.
i really dont know what shld i do now and im really lost.
to be honest, i know you dont love me anymore.
its that you dont want to see me being with other man, thats why you're holding on to me.
& when i really can see it in your eyes that your heart cant have me anymore,
i'll leave.

2009-11-24T00:31:00.003-08:00

2009-11-24T00:31:00.001-08:00

2009-11-24T00:06:00.000-08:00

Day 2,3,4 without you

blog is the only friend of mine now.
i blog out how i really feel..
because i know when i share it with ppl, comments, and opinions will be coming out from them..
i dont want it..
i dont wanna live with regrets..
thats what ive learnt in my 18 years of living..
18 years..
my birthday is coming sooon in 2 weeks time..
i dont intend to celebrate anymore..
i dont wanna have fun on that day..
because it reminds me of your promises u made to me..
your surprise..your gifts..your existance will all be gone..
you hurt me so much.

2009-11-21T06:15:00.000-08:00

Day 1 without you.

so empty, so lonely.
im trying to survive.
i really hope time heals..
its gonna take a long time..
shld be get back my life?

friends to lovers to enemies.

2009-11-20T11:27:00.000-08:00

its over.
finally.
1 yr 5 mths. going to 1 and a half year..
i thg i could celebrate my 18th birthday with my loved one. which is you..
seems like this dream cant come true..
i dont need your present or well wishes.
its pointless, coz i lost someone so impt in my life.
i dont wanna cry.
i wanna stand back on my feet.
i need a shoulder.
today, i jjust realised, how much u love me all these while...
im sooo upset...really upset..
friends called me..asked me out tmrw.
all my drinking clubbing friends are back..
but im just out of love...
i really am..
who can be the one to rekindle my love?

2009-11-16T12:03:00.000-08:00

i know u werent hm at all.
i knew u were driving ur friend back from lan shop.
and u was using lan's shop messenger to talk to me.
it is so obvious
the font of your text is black , whereas u normally use blue.
and when u afk, ur own msn will change to 'away'.
instead in lan shop it is 'busy'.
u said ur mom sscolded u due to warning letter. its bullshit.
its because u havent even go hm when its 2am.
11 plus havent 12am, u will rush me and say..
'EHHHH, go hm alr okay, my mom will kill me if i dont go hm now'
then there u go 2am go back ah.
wtf is this?
friends more privilege?
i rather be ur friend lah.
no r/s ties, no need to report to u whats my life up to either.
just know something.
nothing can be hidden forever

2009-11-16T11:14:00.000-08:00

I cant seem to continue loving him anymore.
too tiring.
to be honest, in this relationship its infatuation. not love.
possessive, pain, disrespect.
its not worth being with you anymore.
ive wasted time, effort, love and everything i can give.
i give u my all and all. yet you said im irritating, paranoid and everything.
my heart is numb.
many times i cabbed over your area.
just a request from me to just look out of your window.
but u inisisted no.
i cried and cried, but you dont know.
because u will think all i know is to cry.
i shall stop having infatuations over you.
i shall stop all my foolish act.
i dont know if one day youll regret all youve done, all youve said.
but u know what?
when that day comes, i'll be over you

2009-11-09T12:37:00.000-08:00

I fell in love with that person.
thats embarrassing.
so embarrassing that that's the type of person i fell in love with.
the reality behind those pictures was clearly very different.
'When i realise that my selfish decision for love could result it into some young girl getting killed. i couldnt be responsible for telling them go back. I just didnt realise how much of an impact had on these girls life. Dont react out of love. F love, because love is so pain.'

2009-11-08T11:10:00.000-08:00

stupid thing making me dont feel like blogging.
well.
things changes damn fucking fast.
and i dont know how to fucking react to all these good/not good changes.
i still prefer the past of course.
i reallly wish i never grew up.
actaully love being 17 forever.
school is bullshit
boyfriend is crappy.
everyone seeems to be lifeless. ahh
blog tmrw(:

2009-09-25T20:39:00.000-07:00

nvr really blogged my life since i broke up with algin.
wondering how are you?
hmm. life isnt getting better since secondary school.
i forgot blogging was used to be part of my life.
i blog almost everyday. blog is one way i stress out my everything.
i kept all what im thinking im feeling in me.
it feels so heavy.
looking back at archives, at my past.
then, wasnt so perfect either. quarrels, jealousy paranoidness kicks in.
now, its still fucking same. just lil worser.
body getting weaker as each day passes.
will anyone hear me out?
i feel so trapped.
all i need is that key to let me out.